A sickness of the mind can distort emotions until a loving partner seems to be an enemyCAROLINE'S marriage began very well indeed, and for eight years she felt she could not have been happier.
And then gradually Harvey, her husband, became more and more miserable and silent. He would sit brooding for hour upon hour, and she waited apprehensively to discover what was wrong.
Finally he asked her abruptly whether she had been truthful with him when she told him, before their marriage, that she had never loved any other man.
Caroline said indignantly that of course she had been truthful; what could have caused him to doubt her?
He muttered something about the district having been full of troops during the war and that it would have been only natural for her to be admired and sought after.
And then he demanded that Caroline swear on the Bible that she had told him the truth.
"After some time," says Caroline's letter, "I did this. He said the reason I would not do so immediately was because I was guilty. But the real reason was that I thought it a terrible thing for a man to ask his wife to do before he could believe her.
I have never been untruthful or deceived him in any way."
Things have gone from bad to worse since that horrible scene. Harvey begs Caroline to confess and put an end to all this quarrelling. But there is nothing to confess.
Now the trouble here, I fear, is that Harvey is not mentally a healthy man. One of the earliest symptoms of some sorts of emotional illness is a sudden frantic anxiety about a subject which has never previously mattered at all.
I advise Caroline to explain to her doctor what is occurring and to do her best to get her husband to take expert advice.
Some concealed worry (nothing necessarily at all to do with her) has thrown him temporarily off balance, and he needs specialized help if he is to recover.
Meanwhile, if Caroline can remember that none of this frenzied misery is really directed at her personally, it will be far easier for her to bear it. If she can love her husband with all her heart and realize that he is ill, not just malicious, she will see the whole situation differently and will be less deeply wounded by it.
Maybe, in thinking over the past, she will recall some incident, some special worry which started all this brooding and misery. This may prove a valuable clue to Harvey's recovery. ---- Evelyn Home
you ask for her advice. Write c/o WOMAN, 189 High Holborn, London, enclosing a stamped, addressed envelopeNo New Tragedy
Mine is not a new tragedy, but I don't know how to cope with it.
My sweetheart persuaded me into a love affair which, he assured me, would do me not the slightest harm. Now I find I am to become a mother and the man I loved has moved away and I do not know where he has gone.
My parents are abroad and I live with an elderly relative. If I confided in her, she would not know what to do any more than I should.
IF you had written to me privately, giving me your address. I could have answered promptly. I am sorry, but delay is inevitable for letters answered on this page.
An organization which will do its best to help you is called the National Council for the Unmarried Mother and Her Child, 21 Coram Street, W.C.I. Write direct to the secretary, and she will come to your assistance.
Meanwhile, your relative must, of course, be told of your situation, and your parents informed. They will naturally be sad and shocked at your wrong and irresponsible behaviour, but I believe they will want to help you.
Husband's Infidelity
My husband has become a laughing, stock in his firm (where he holds a good position) by having an affair with a girl twenty years his junior. But what can I do about it? She is a young, slim, smart woman, so what weapons have I, a middle-aged out-size, against her?
To do my husband justice, he has tried to break away once or twice, but she has waited for him and persisted in courting him.
Should I tell him I know all about this and threaten to complain to his directors Should I wait for the affair to blow over"? Or shall ask him pointblank if he wants a divorce?
I THINK it would be better to talk to your husband about this affair. If you love him and want to make a new start with your marriage, you will need to forgive him and be very patient while the partnership begins all over again.
If, on the other hand, you believe that love is finished between you, a divorce may be the only course for you.
But, before deciding to end your marriage, be certain that this is inevitable. It sounds to me as if your husband might welcome the chance to come back to you if he thought you would care to have him back.
Are you sure your own lack of interest in the partnership has not had something to do with your husband's disloyalty?
Think hard before coming to any drastic conclusion.
Tactful Meeting
For the past year I have been going out with a young man who has now asked me to meet his parents.
This prospect makes me nervous, as they are divorced and his father has re-married.
I cannot help wondering how to behave with them in the circumstances, and, should it arise, how to tackle the subject of their separation.
We should be staying for a while with his mother (with whom he usually lives), but only for a day or two in his father's household.
I may say that the boy himself is quite confident that I shall carry off the meetings successfully.
I THINK you will find that your secret worry will not need to be made public. Your boy friend's parents will-probably not discuss their private affairs, will be too interested in the girl their son hopes to marry.
If either of them should speak confidentially to you, your own common sense and kindliness will prevent you from taking sides or from causing any additional ill-feeling.
Remember that the object of your visit is just to get know a few more friendly, interested relations; you would not talk about the marriage of a happy couple, why should things be different when the couple were unhappy?
Learning To Love
My husband is a good man to me, and a splendid father to our children, but in our intimate life he seems pitifully ineffectual.
I do my best to appreciate his character and virtues, but as a marriage partner he gives me neither happiness nor content.
I do not want to break up our marriage, because in a way I still love him.
But I feel so frustrated and nerve racked that this side of our partnership, which could mean so much, is an utter disappointment. He simply says that I am over-sexed and will not discuss the problem.
IT ONE of the reasons why your husband seems so ineffectual is undoubtedly the fact that you are so disdainful of his affection. He realizes that you are simply waiting to be disappointed, and his confidence is undermined by this.
If you could learn to love your husband so much that you could disregard your own feelings and think only of his, you would begin to build up his self-respect.
Once he felt less nervous, he would be better able to love you. At the moment his emotional energy is wasted in sheer anxiety, he is exhausted by his own self doubt. And that doubt is fed by your perpetual criticism and contempt.
Two Loves
I am twenty-eight and in love with a married man who has been separated from his wife for four years.
He returns love and I am very happy with him. But my religion forbids divorce and, if I married him, it would be after he had obtained his freedom by divorce.
Should I put my love for him first? Or should I stick to my faith?
I MUST advise you to talk to your priest or clergyman, to make sure that you understand to the full what the choice before you involves.
If you have been bought up in a particular church, you will find the loss of its blessing a very terrible thing.
But, of course, human love is also very powerful and many people would say that you were doing no wrong by marrying a man whose first marriage had proved so mistaken.
This is a decision I could not make for you; I can only urge you to talk to your own religious authorities and to listen to your own conscience.
Shocking Experience
I am thirty-five, and while abroad on holiday three years ago, I was attacked by a man. I was not seriously hurt, just very shocked.
Could I have been contaminated by this man? I feel my life has been ruined by this incident.
I VERY much doubt whether you have been harmed in any physical way by this shocking experience, but you have been hurt emotionally and you need expert help and treatment,
A doctor will know exactly who can assist you best. I am sure that after a spell of expert attention, you will feel very much better and able to face the future quite normally.
To "Doreen P."
The circumstances you mention could not be considered conclusive proof, but anyone so inclined might regard them as suspicious.
With regard to your approaching marriage, I believe you would find my Handbook of Marriage, obtainable - price 2s. 6d. (about 35 cents)? post free from W. & G. Foyle, Ltd., 119/125 Charing Cross Road, ,London W.C.·2, or 2s, 3d. (about 31 cents)?
from any good bookseller, a great help.
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The average price of a new home then was $10950 about 2.65 times the yearly average wage of $4130. Which was about 2.17 times the price of a new car $1900. And the future was progressive not regressive
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