Anniversary StoryAll anniversaries have this in common, they're a time of looking back, and looking forward. This new series, in each one of which a girl looks back over a year just past, may help you to find out much about yourself. Written by DOROTHY FORD, the series begins with this story of young love and married happiness, the story of Caitlin and Nigel Wilkinson
Caitlin and Nigel have discovered the joy of being together in comfortable companionshipTheir First Year Together
DURING a busy lunch hour in London, a young working wife wearing a new coat hurried to keep a very special, exciting appointment with her dark-eyed, serious-faced young husband.
"Where can Nigel be taking me," Caitlin (pronounced Kathleen) wondered. Her face was flushed with excitement and happiness, for this was a very important day in her life. It was her first wedding anniversary. Just a year ago on this day she had become Nigel Wilkinson's bride.
The street comer where Caitlin met Nigel was near a jeweller’s shop, and as he took her arm possessively she glanced with casual curiosity at the glittering contents of the window.
Then, as Nigel suddenly steered her through the shop's doorway, Caitlin all at once remembered having admired in the window, several weeks earlier, a pair of Indian filigree ear-rings.
Ten minutes later a similar pair of silver earrings snugly reposed in their small box in Caitlin's handbag, and her happiness on that first wedding anniversary was complete. She and Nigel had glances only for each other as they walked, hands tightly clasped, oblivious of every passerby, along the thronged city street.
As well as the ear-rings, the new coat Caitlin wore was part of Nigel's present.
Caitlin, less practical than she is romantic, had half regretted the sensible choice of this coat when no anniversary gift, invested with some special personal magic for them both, had followed his kiss on that momentous morning. Nigel, as he looked into his young wife's clear grey eyes, had seen her disappointment immediately, for a year of being a wife has made it no easier for Caitlin to conceal her feelings, whether of joy or disappointment, from her young husband.
"I've something else for you," he said quickly, putting his arm around her, "although you won't be getting it until lunchtime."
In the twelve months during which he and Caitlin have shared the close intimacy of their small fiat in Southgate, a suburb of London, each has grown acutely sensitive to the emotional reactions of the other. Each wants their marriage to be perfect, but one of the first lessons each has had to learn is that, in married life, disappointments are sometimes bound to get mixd up with the happiness even, perhaps, on wonderful occasions like wedding anniversaries. . The truth about the ear-rings was that Nigel had meant to give them to Caitlin the minute she opened her eyes; but they had not been ready when he called to collect them the day before.
Despite Caitlin's fleetingly hurt expression, Nigel stuck to his intention of keeping them a secret until he could put them into her hands.
His own ideal of the romantic behaviour inseparable from a truly successful marriage is just as dear to him as Caitlin's is to her.
To be free to express one's own maturing nature, at the same time to love as wholly as one longs to be loved oneself, this: is the thrilling adventure of marriage. After having come safely through twelve months of it together Caitlin and Nigel are happier and more in love than ever. They are still, in fact, floating in a pink cloud of newly-married bliss; but they have the wit to realize that they are merely on the threshold of real married experience.
Weekday mornings are always a rush. In the early months both jostled for dressing space. Now Caitlin slips on a short housecoat; serves breakfast and tit-:n finishes dressing after Nigel goes
Marriage has given fresh impetus to Caitlin's love of dressmaking. Here she and her sister Sean have a trying-on
Friendly disagreements
No big clouds trouble their horizon, but they have discovered many small things about each other that have led to highly critical and quite heated discussions.
"We slang each other a lot," is the way Nigel puts it.
"We even shout and argue," adds Caitlin, her bubble of infectious laughter ringing out frankly. In Caitlin's quick-silver temperament is a dash of quick Irish temper inherited from her father.
"When Caitlin lowers her brows at me and screws up her eyes because she is angry, I just laugh and imitate her," declares Nigel teasingly.
"I pay him out by imitating his habits."
Nigel breathes very heavily when concentrating, when he is fixing a curtain pelmet or painting the hall doors terra cotta. Caitlin snorts in unison with exaggerated emphasis. It's an amusing way of trying to cure each other of habits that could become displeasing later on.
Caitlin gets cross with Nigel when he doesn't wring out his face-cloth, when he keeps running his hand through his hair at table. Nigel gets cross with Caitlin when she will natter while he is trying to read, when she never is ready on time when they are going out.
Laughing over these imperfections, while at the same time taking them seriously, tends to make two people in love even more tender and understanding in their relationship.
In the solving of their small as well as big problems, the Wilkinsons each hope they are drawing nearer to the ideal they share concerning, marriage, that in it they really will be able to become one person; that, as well as being lovers, they will also become true companions.
Companionship doesn't necessarily mean living in each others pockets. This is something Caitlin has had to discover. Her nature feels a greater need of emotional security than Nigel's.
In the first year of her married life she was upset when Nigel continued to belong to his office rowing club, which occupies his time on Saturday afternoons and many evenings in summer.
He is also an officer in the Territorial Army and occasionally training takes him away for a weekend.
Being reunited after these separations Caitlin finds wonderful. Yet she could not understand at first how Nigel could profess to love her completely and at the same time enjoy other interests.
Talking with other young married girl friends about this puzzle solved it for her. All men, she learned, like to tinker with something, it might be a car, or woodwork in their own workshop. With Nigel it just happened that this two great interests were rowing and belonging to the T.A.
It was a relief to discover that Nigel wasn't being mean to her. He was just being a man. The blow to her vanity was softened when Nigel cunningly pointed out that if he didn't have these interests she wouldn't have the enjoyment of the social functions that went with them, dances and theatre parties and Saturday afternoon regattas on the river.
Twelve months of thinking out this problem has led Caitlin to make a sensible adjustment which pleases them both.
This summer Caitlin decided to have an interest of her own outside marriage. While Nigel does rowing training, she plays at a local tennis club at Southgate. Through the tennis club, new friends will be made and the scope of the Wilkinsons' joint life further widened.
A problem in which Caitlin has been able to help Nigel is his sensitivity over money matters. Like many modem young couples, Caitlin and Nigel plunged into marriage without any savings behind them. A year ago Caitlin wasn't thinking primarily of the home and babies that make security a necessity.
"I married Nigel because I fell in love with him and wanted to be with him all the time."
Of course, Caitlin accepted the thought that the making of a home and the birth of children would follow. But love, and the romantic attachment that can exist all through life between a man and woman, takes first place in her mind.
It was Caitlin who decided that she and Nigel should have a honeymoon instead of using the money to buy furniture.
"We'll only be young once," is the way Caitlin looked at it. And," It's only money. . ." was her comment when Nigel tried to express the feelings a man experiences when he is not able to provide all he would like for the girl of his choice.
This year Nigel understands Caitlin's philosophy: " It's only money. . ." and he has almost come round to the idea of going abroad for a Spanish holiday on the proceeds of a bonus Caitlin has earned.
When two people are truly sharing a life, surely their money belongs to them both? But it is a man's natural instinct to want to be the provider and Nigel looks forward to the day when Caitlin will leave work to become a housewife and mother, although it will mean that their standard of living will almost certainly have to be lowered.
Caitlin knows that when that time comes she will be emotionally ready for the change. At present, although Nigel is in fact a year younger, he looks and seems maturer than Caitlin.
"Caitlin is changing, though," says Nigel. "She is much more practical now than when we were first married."
Making ends meet
What happens to the £14 (about $39.20 ) the Wilkinsons have left over when insurance, pensions deductions and taxation have been sliced of their joint income? Nigel and Caitlin can't quite understand it. They only know there is never anything left over.
£2 1Os. (about $7.00)? goes on rent, 15s. (about $2.10)? a week on gas and electricity, plus varied sums on coal. Then there's another 15s.(about $2.10)? for hire purchase on sofa and chairs. Fares take 35s. (about $4.90)? a week. Household food costs about £4. (about $11.20)?
Lunches, toilet things, shoe repairs, laundry and clothes come next. And many items are still needed for their flat. They have no floor coverings yet, no dining-room chairs.
No big clouds trouble their horizon, but they have discovered many small things about each other that have led to highly critical and quite heated discussions.
"We slang each other a lot," is the way Nigel puts it.
"We even shout and argue," adds Caitlin, her bubble of infectious laughter ringing out frankly. In Caitlin's quick-silver temperament is a dash of quick Irish temper inherited from her father.
"When Caitlin lowers her brows at me and screws up her eyes because she is angry, I just laugh and imitate her," declares Nigel teasingly.
"I pay him out by imitating his habits."
Nigel breathes very heavily when concentrating, when he is fixing a curtain pelmet or painting the hall doors terra cotta. Caitlin snorts in unison with exaggerated emphasis. It's an amusing way of trying to cure each other of habits that could become displeasing later on.
Caitlin gets cross with Nigel when he doesn't wring out his face-cloth, when he keeps running his hand through his hair at table. Nigel gets cross with Caitlin when she will natter while he is trying to read, when she never is ready on time when they are going out.
Laughing over these imperfections, while at the same time taking them seriously, tends to make two people in love even more tender and understanding in their relationship.
In the solving of their small as well as big problems, the Wilkinsons each hope they are drawing nearer to the ideal they share concerning, marriage, that in it they really will be able to become one person; that, as well as being lovers, they will also become true companions.
Companionship doesn't necessarily mean living in each others pockets. This is something Caitlin has had to discover. Her nature feels a greater need of emotional security than Nigel's.
In the first year of her married life she was upset when Nigel continued to belong to his office rowing club, which occupies his time on Saturday afternoons and many evenings in summer.
He is also an officer in the Territorial Army and occasionally training takes him away for a weekend.
Being reunited after these separations Caitlin finds wonderful. Yet she could not understand at first how Nigel could profess to love her completely and at the same time enjoy other interests.
Talking with other young married girl friends about this puzzle solved it for her. All men, she learned, like to tinker with something, it might be a car, or woodwork in their own workshop. With Nigel it just happened that this two great interests were rowing and belonging to the T.A.
It was a relief to discover that Nigel wasn't being mean to her. He was just being a man. The blow to her vanity was softened when Nigel cunningly pointed out that if he didn't have these interests she wouldn't have the enjoyment of the social functions that went with them, dances and theatre parties and Saturday afternoon regattas on the river.
Twelve months of thinking out this problem has led Caitlin to make a sensible adjustment which pleases them both.
This summer Caitlin decided to have an interest of her own outside marriage. While Nigel does rowing training, she plays at a local tennis club at Southgate. Through the tennis club, new friends will be made and the scope of the Wilkinsons' joint life further widened.
A problem in which Caitlin has been able to help Nigel is his sensitivity over money matters. Like many modem young couples, Caitlin and Nigel plunged into marriage without any savings behind them. A year ago Caitlin wasn't thinking primarily of the home and babies that make security a necessity.
"I married Nigel because I fell in love with him and wanted to be with him all the time."
Of course, Caitlin accepted the thought that the making of a home and the birth of children would follow. But love, and the romantic attachment that can exist all through life between a man and woman, takes first place in her mind.
It was Caitlin who decided that she and Nigel should have a honeymoon instead of using the money to buy furniture.
"We'll only be young once," is the way Caitlin looked at it. And," It's only money. . ." was her comment when Nigel tried to express the feelings a man experiences when he is not able to provide all he would like for the girl of his choice.
This year Nigel understands Caitlin's philosophy: " It's only money. . ." and he has almost come round to the idea of going abroad for a Spanish holiday on the proceeds of a bonus Caitlin has earned.
When two people are truly sharing a life, surely their money belongs to them both? But it is a man's natural instinct to want to be the provider and Nigel looks forward to the day when Caitlin will leave work to become a housewife and mother, although it will mean that their standard of living will almost certainly have to be lowered.
Caitlin knows that when that time comes she will be emotionally ready for the change. At present, although Nigel is in fact a year younger, he looks and seems maturer than Caitlin.
"Caitlin is changing, though," says Nigel. "She is much more practical now than when we were first married."
Making ends meet
What happens to the £14 (about $39.20 ) the Wilkinsons have left over when insurance, pensions deductions and taxation have been sliced of their joint income? Nigel and Caitlin can't quite understand it. They only know there is never anything left over.
£2 1Os. (about $7.00)? goes on rent, 15s. (about $2.10)? a week on gas and electricity, plus varied sums on coal. Then there's another 15s.(about $2.10)? for hire purchase on sofa and chairs. Fares take 35s. (about $4.90)? a week. Household food costs about £4. (about $11.20)?
Lunches, toilet things, shoe repairs, laundry and clothes come next. And many items are still needed for their flat. They have no floor coverings yet, no dining-room chairs.
Caitlin and Nigel still go out once a week and do not want to give up these gay, simple outings.
"We enjoy them even more than we did before marriage," says Caitlin, "because when the evening's theatre or dance is over we know we don't have to separate."
Yet these" good times," Caitlin and Nigel both realize, will soon inevitably be exchanged for the next phase of their life together. The years go on and marriage must develop with them.
Above: treasured wedding picture. Nigel wore T.A. uniform; Caitlin's dress was of white lace.
On the right: a year later Caitlin proudly wears her wedding dress again, this time without its long-sleeved bolero, for an office dance
Nigel wants Caitlin to have the two children they plan to have in their family before she is thirty. And Caitlin is now twenty-five. She can feel her desires being drawn, almost against her will, towards the idea of " settling down" ; a term that once sounded ridiculously antiquated and dull to this girl who still has the erratic gaiety of a windblown fountain.
On the day of her marriage when Caitlin changed into her going-away suit, Nigel was all for sneaking off without coming back to the reception to be waved goodbye by guests. Caitlin resisted him. On their very wedding day the two almost quarrelled. The wife of the best man drew Nigel quietly aside.
"Give way to Caitlin in the little things," she advised. "They are so important to a woman. If you learn to do this you will find she will always be right behind you in the big decisions."
Nigel saw the wisdom of this. He smothered his desire to be completely alone as soon as possible with his adored young wife. Returning to the reception he found he thoroughly enjoyed watching Caitlin; a happy, radiant bride.
Caitlin and Nigel launched themselves into marriage on a shoestring. Their philosophy is brave, although they don’t know it.
Only once, on the day they returned from Sark to their unfurnished flat, did they experience "cold feet." The flat looked so chill and bare. Two deck chairs in the sitting-room and the bed on which they were to sleep comprised their only furniture. All the walls were in need of repainting.
Nigel, seeing Caitlin's sudden dismay, went out and came back with a big bunch of yellow tulips which he placed in a jar on the window sill of the sitting-room. Their glorious sunny light suffused the small room like a charm, and these golden-coloured springtime flowers will always be the ones Nigel will bring home to Caitlin as each future anniversary of their wedding day comes round.
I’ll always remember. . . CHOOSING OUR CURTAINS
Soon after we were married I saw some curtain material in a shop which I thought simply lovely. The next Saturday I said to Nigel: "It's perfect for us, do come along and look at it" Nigel wasn't keen on the material and I nearly said: "Do let's take it; I'm sure you'll get to like it." But suddenly I thought: Remember, you're married now; don't force your taste on Nigel I'm so glad I gave in ; we both like the curtains Nigel chose-and it's nice to know that he really enjoys our home. This was my first experience of learning to act not as myself alone, but as ''us''
NEXT WEEK: Gillian looks back-on the luckiest year of-her life
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